Immortalis

A Short Story By Kenzie Cameron

However many years we have left, I want to spend them with you. The creak of the wood underneath my feet brought me back to reality. I looked down at the rushing water. Harsh and aggressive, just like those words. However many years we have left. Until I find you unattractive, is what he truly meant. I heard the rumors. It wasn’t normal for any man, let alone the emperor, to keep a male lover for as long as Hadrian has. Chills ran up my spine as I remembered how he’s been looking at me lately. 

When we first met, he looked at me as if I was a fresh flower, picked from its stem. A new shiny toy. He blinded me with attention and gifts. And I liked it. I felt special. He picked me. 

We spent so much time together, I was utterly consumed by him. Skin against skin, hot breaths and sweat combining together, like we were one soul. He spoke my name like he was afraid one day it would be lost to him. 

Little did I know there was truth behind the rush in which he called my name. 

He called for me less and less. It feels like he brought me on this trip out of some debt he thinks he owes me. I can sense that he wants to get rid of me. Push and pull. The boat is pulling me away from the edge, but it also pushes me closer to the end. It’s like the water is breathing, in and out, trying to eat me alive. 

I think I want to jump in. To let its open jaw consume me, shred me apart with its teeth. I can’t swim. I won’t even be able to fight back once I jump. For so many years I have fought. Fought to keep his attention on me, to not let him get distracted by others. I made sure my beauty stayed intact. I forcefully

removed any hairs that appeared on my body, kept my hair clean and neat. I pinched my cheeks to perfection, maintaining such a lovely pink hue. But I can’t do it anymore. I’m growing too fast. 

So many years of my life, wasted away. Hadrian looks at me now like I am a wilted flower, pretty, but in an antique way. 

Who is he to judge my worth? Why does he mean so much to me? I clearly don’t seem important to him. He wants to cast me aside, to remove me from history like I am nothing. 

I won’t allow it. 

I step closer to the edge of the boat, knowing what I must do. They will say I slipped and fell, an unfortunate accident for someone so “young”. I will haunt him for the rest of his life. I will come to him in his dreams, the way he wants me to be. I will never age, frozen in time. I will become immortalized, and I will strike fear in his heart. 

He will erect statues of me, paranoid that if I am dissatisfied with my remembrance I will cleave his soul from his body, and drag him down to the murky depths of the unknown. 

He won’t understand that it doesn’t matter how much of his time, body, and mind he will pay to me. I will still claw at him, invisible and unseen. I will put ideas in the minds of others, making them think he is unfit to lead. They will believe me because I am a part of their minds. 

And one day, he will die. And we will meet again. 

Air whips at my face as I fall. I open my mouth to scream, but it is pointless. My body collides with the water, and I hear a smack, and then-


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“Mountain of Steel,” “Fire with Fire,” & “A Sea of Hope”

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"So-called Worth of War," "Bitter-sweet Death." and "A Single Candlelight."